Memento Vivere
by LiberumVersu
Summary: "Say something. I'm giving up on you." A terminally ill patient meets a lovely vibrant girl. Can they make a miracle happen? Ulquihime [Oneshot] AU


**Author's Note: It's been a while since I've written anything. When I heard the song Say Something by A Great Big World, I was suddenly inspired to write an Ulquihime story.**

**The title, Memento Vivere means "remember to live"**

**This is written in Orihime's P.O.V and the last part in Ulquiorra's.**

**Hope you enjoy reading it and feedback is greatly appreciated. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or the song Say Something.**

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Say something, I'm giving up on you

Cold… I remember it was cold.

I quickly made my way to the hospital hoping Kurosaki's condition was stable. He apparently got into another fight because of his self righteous nature. I swear, that will be the death of him one day. Once I got out of the elevator, into the floor which Kurosaki was being held at I remember Rukia saying it was the 4th door from the elevator.

I quickly opened the door and was about to yell Kurosaki's name when instead of those warm brown eyes, I was met with cold green ones. He didn't say anything as I apologized and explained how I probably get the wrong room. I was expecting him to tell me to get out or reprimand me but instead he just stared at me. It was getting awkward because he didn't say anything and just continued to stare and so I apologized once again before exiting the room.

After exiting, a nurse approaches me and tells me, "Its good seing Mr. Cifer having a new guest for once." I ask regarding family members visiting him and she explains that only his friend Grimm-something came to visit often. Apparently his sole parent is busy on an important business trip. This tugs at my heart because I know what it feels like being left alone after my brother's death but his case is probably lonelier because he has a father that is mostly just willfully absent.

I later found out Kurosaki's room was across from his.

I'll be the one, if you want me to

I visited Kurosaki again not long after that. After I dropped by his room, I decided to visit the cold stranger yet again. I don't know if I was driven by pity or maybe some of Kurosaki's self righteousness has rubbed off on me, but something was telling me to visit him once again. I knocked this time before entering. Once again, I met his icy cold stare. He was different this time. He seemed paler and skinnier. He doesn't ask questions nor does he tell me to piss off. It's kind of weird of him not to say anything to a stranger entering his room and for the second time in a row.

I grab a chair in his room and place it next to his bed. "I heard from the nurse that you're Mr. Cifer", I started. He glances at me briefly before directing his attention to the light green hospital wall to his right completely averting my gaze. I realize that he must not be so horrible after all. Maybe he was shy or didn't like interacting with people that much.

I knew what it felt like to be lonely. No one deserved that. Maybe that was the reason I kept coming back to see him.

Anywhere I would've followed you

He was reading a book when I came in. If I remember correctly it was "Things Fall Apart" which was not really an ideal choice of fiction for someone in a hospital. The title itself seemed like it was a depressing story. At least he wasn't deaf seeing as he could read and all but he still wouldn't speak to me.

I sit by the chair which probably had an imaginary label of my name on it by now. He doesn't look at me and instead preoccupies himself with the book. Maybe he finds me annoying and wants me to leave but he doesn't say so nor does he hint any gesture asking me to leave. I look around his room and see that he doesn't have much to keep him entertained. He had probably a couple of books by his bedside and the titles don't seem to be uplifting at the least such as, Les Miserables, The Five People you Meet in Heaven, and The Fault in Our Stars. There is also the TV which the hospital provided but looking at him I figured, he wasn't really the TV type of guy.

I try to engage him in a conversation but it seemed like I was talking to a wall. He doesn't acknowledge hearing me nor does he even glance briefly my way. But this did not discourage me from telling him any random story that pops in my head. I later noticed that after 5 minutes of me rambling about random things, he was still on the same page. He wasn't that cold after all.

Say something, I'm giving up on you

I enter his room again and the icy eyes that used to glare daggers at me have become like a calm sea. They are not warm and welcoming like Kurosaki's but more like an abyss. It seems that he has gotten used to my visits. Kurosaki had been discharged two days ago and honestly there wasn't any other reason I was visiting this hospital rather than keeping this guy company.

I later find out his name is Ulquiorra, 20 years old. He is around 3 years older than me. I still don't know the cause of his being bedridden. He doesn't seem to be injured and his passive face gives off the impression of him being fine. I know I won't get any information from him and I tried asking the nurse but access to such information is private.

Honestly at this point, I don't know if he is still choosing not to talk to me or maybe being unable to speak is his sickness or something. I sit on the chair yet again and hand him a sketchpad and pencil I bought near my school. I don't know if he likes to draw or if he is an art type of person but I figured, this could also be a way for him to communicate to me. He takes it from me without any violent reaction and places it near his bedside. He looks at me fully this time. The intenseness of his gaze I could not read or make out. I don't know why my heart suddenly sped up but I tried to mask it with my usual quirkiness and random ramblings.

And I am feeling so small

It was over my head

I know nothing at all

This time I was met with blue eyes. There was someone else at the room. It must have been his friend Grimm-something I couldn't quite remember. He is sitting at the chair I placed near Ulquiorra's bedside and slowly he stands up and before exiting the room, catches my arm and drags me outside. Before the door closed I could feel Ulquiorra's gaze on me but I wasn't quite sure.

"Who are you?" He raises and eyebrow and doesn't seem to buy my story regarding on how I came upon his friend. He seems to be searching my face for any sort of sign of me lying. We both have a staring match but because I was exposed to Ulquiorra's intense stares, this person's gaze wasn't intimidating at the least. He sighs, somewhat admitting defeat and asks me to accompany him in the cafeteria to talk.

I figured what I could not get out from the nurses, I could get from him.

"It's Grimmjow" he says. "Orihime," I counter.

"So let me get this straight, you've been visiting him these past few days because you want to help him?" That wasn't really the reason but before I could explain myself further he cut me off.

"You can't save him," I give him a questioning look.

"He has stage 2 heart cancer." He continues.

"Is that even possible? There is such a disease?"

"It is extremely rare and unfortunately very hard to cure. Both radiation and chemotherapy would just damage his heart in the process and there is a big chance it could worsen his condition. The only way is to operate and try to remove the tumors. But that is a very dangerous procedure. Imagine, taking out the heart of a person and extracting the tumors as quick as possible before restoring it in his body. It's about an 80% chance he won't make it." He looks down at his coffee.

"You don't know that. There's still a 20% chance right? Isn't that good enough?" I tell him. He raises his head and sighs. He must think I'm just a young girl who believes in fairytales and miracles happening in real life.

There's a pang in my chest and I don't know whether I feel pity, hatred, empathy or a mix of all. It was quite sad for this to be happening to him. Looking back at the times I had visited him, he did not seem to mind his fate. It was as if he was resigned to the fact that he was going to die and that keeping him in the hospital was just an act of humanity on behalf of his father. This opened my eyes to the harsh realities of life. That life isn't kind to everyone; Life is precious and that life wasn't fair.

Tears were trying to spill out from my eyes and I couldn't quite understand why I was shedding them for someone who I barely knew. Grimmjow looks at me a bit confused and hands me a napkin.

"Can you explain to me why he doesn't speak?" I ask Grimmjow.

"Actually he can. He just has selective mutism. It's an anxiety condition wherein he does not speak to certain people or certain situations. It started when he lost his mother at an early age. Maybe the stress got to him and he is scared of establishing close bonds to people."He looks at me and I cannot bring myself to look back because of the tears threatening to spill yet again.

"He doesn't need your pity" he says.

"It's not pity." This time I was sure.

He sighs, "Well, fuck you really want to help him don't you? Can you make a miracle happen?"

And I will stumble and fall

I'm still learning to love

Just starting to crawl

I return to Ulquiorra's room alone. I avert his eyes and instead quickly sit by his bed and grab his hand. I couldn't stop my tears from falling. It was kind of strange crying for a stranger. I wanted to assure him that he wasn't alone facing this and that it was okay to trust people again. I want him to learn to care for others and establish connections again. But once again he doesn't say anything and it's not an uncomfortable silence anymore. The only sound in the room was me sniffling and the sound coming from the air conditioner.

"It's okay. I'll cry for both of us." I manage to say.

For a second I thought it was my imagination but then I felt his hand tighten around mine. It surprised me and caused me to look at him. He looks at me with such sad eyes. For once, I could actually tell what he was feeling.

Say something, I'm giving up on you

"Hey Ulquiorra, won't you talk to me?" I ask him one day. He continues reading his book. I sigh as I continue to peel the orange I had bought him. Just when I thought we'd finally made progress.

Once when we were both engrossed watching the TV in his room, he suddenly coughs and clenches his chest. He looked so much in pain and the coughing wouldn't stop. I start to panic because I don't know the first thing when it comes to handling these things. I quickly call the nurse and they manage to get him under control again. They tell me these sort of things are normal for those with this type of disease. I return to his side and find him peacefully sleeping.

I never want to see him in that state of pain again. I stayed longer than usual and unconsciously fell asleep while sitting. My head was resting on his bed. I don't know if I was dreaming it but I felt a hand petting my head and brushing along my hair.

I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you

"This will probably be the last week I visit you." I tell him. I was surprised at how quickly he put down his book and directed his gaze towards me. "I just got my second semester schedule and it turns out, its jam packed. I have classes from 7am until 6pm. Can you imagine? Visiting hours here are only up until 7pm and commute time from here to my school is about 40 minutes without traffic. So I doubt I'll get a chance to see you." I try to force a smile. He looks at me as if he is pleading but I don't really know.

"Don't worry I'll probably visit during the weekends if I don't have any projects or assignments due that is. You'll still have Grimmjow."

I give his hand a squeeze as if to assure him. I pondered on whether Grimmjow was right. Maybe I am an idiot. I can't save him.

He opens his mouth as if he wanted to say something but suddenly decides other wise and closes it again.

I wished I was a God. I wished I had powers. I wished a miracle would happen.

Anywhere I would've followed you

"He has agreed on taking the operation." Grimmjow tells me.

"Wha- Why so suddenly?!"

"Don't know. Did you say anything to him? I was actually sure he was content just rotting away. Maybe he changed his mind?"

"When is the operation?"

"At the end of the week."

Honestly, I would have liked to delay his operation. At least I was assured he'd still be alive a few more weeks/months but agreeing to operate on such a slim chance would probably take his life away earlier. But I figured, it would be better now than later when the cancer will spread. Both choices don't seem very appealing.

"Does he go to school? I mean with his disorder, was he able to?" I ask out of curiosity.

"You'd be surprised. The people with this type of disorder are quite intelligent. He was always at the top of his class. He has a photographic memory of things especially when something interests him."

We both stare into space as we contemplate on what happens next for Ulquiorra.

I visit him after talking with Grimmjow. He is asleep and for the first time since I've met him, he looks so angelic. I observe his face and realize he is quite handsome but not the shinning shimmering type of handsome. No, he is more like a cool cloudy day. His black hair contrasts perfectly against his pale white skin. A blush suddenly forms at my cheeks and I quickly try to push away such thoughts.

Seeing him asleep is also like looking at a lifeless body because of his pale complexion and his thinness. I start thinking of worst case scenarios and it starts to tear me up inside.

"I wish I could save you." I whisper as I brush a lock of his hair from his face.

I start to turn to leave but I was suddenly caught off guard when his hand caught mine, and tugged for me to come back. He slowly opens his eyes and I take my place beside him. I don't ask him to talk and I stay with him enjoying for once the comfortable silence. There wasn't really anything left to say. At least, that's what I tried to convince myself.

Say something, I'm giving up on you

Only a few more days till the operation so I tried coming in earlier and spending the maximum amount allotted for visiting hours. I don't ask him to say anything anymore because by now, I'm used to it. I realize and have come to terms that I may have started to develop something for him. But I'll never till him this. It would probably burden his heart more. I'm content in being able to sit beside him every day and watch those eyes of his still reflect light.

And I will swallow my pride

I browse through his collection of books when suddenly my phone rings. It was Ishida.

"Hello Ishida!" My voice is cheerful as I greet him. It's been a while since I last saw him. This semestral break he went to the States with his family for a short vacation. We talk a bit and I enjoy being able to talk to someone who replies to me for once. There is a huge smile on my face after talking to a friend I've missed and then I see Ulquiorra staring at me as if he had been observing me since the conversation began. I approach him and start a conversation.

"Oh, that was my friend Ishida. I kind of miss him. We used to sow things together in high school and-"

He suddenly grabs the phone from my hand and brings out his, and after a while he returns it to me. I was a little surprised and wasn't sure what he did but I figured I'd find out later. I giggle and take my place beside him again and try to make the most of the last few moments we had. I'm quite sure my feelings are one sided but It doesn't matter because right now, I just want him to live longer.

Falling in love with a guy who mostly glares at me and doesn't speak much is quite weird right? I never thought I'd sprout feelings either. It's Kind of a funny, weird, & unexpected love story like putting red bean paste along with peanut butter on a sand which.

You're the one that I love

And I'm saying goodbye

I arrive at around 5pm at the hospital. I had some errands to do and had to go to school for my clearance and so, I wasn't able to come earlier. I open the door to find you sleeping again. The medication for the pain seems to have some sleeping side effect. Lately, I come to your room to find you sleeping. I'm scared you won't wake up.

Hey Ulquiorra, tomorrow's your operation. Don't you have anything to say at least? Just one word, any word to assure me that at least, my stay with you these past few weeks has been worthwhile.

_Say something, I'm giving up on you_

That's what I'd like to say. But lately, it's harder than it seems. After coming this far, I keep remembering why I've hold on for so long. Some say I'm an idiot for believing in a loss cause like you. Well if that's the case, I enjoyed every minute of being an idiot.

I look at your sleeping form once again and hope you'd wake up. I'd at least want to see your eyes before tomorrow happens. Glare at me, stare at me, just please open them.

I approach you slowly and once again I'm captivated by your physique. What probably started out from pity turned into something more. You're unresponsive as I come closer. I don't know why but face seems to be drawn to yours as I slowly lean downward staring at your lips. I don't know what to expect but I'd want some closure at the very least. I want to confirm something but just when I'm a breath away from you, I suddenly get cold feet.

I can't do this. I think to myself. Although my heart is probably pounding so hard right now you'd probably hear it if you weren't asleep. I stare at you for a while before I start to retreat but suddenly you place your hand at the back of my head and push my head forward until my lips crash against yours.

You're so sly. You were probably awake this whole time and as I felt your lips massaging mine, the feelings that followed confirmed all my beliefs that my feelings were real. You start pulling me closer until I am resting against your chest while our mouths are still lip locked. I slowly pull away afraid that I might crush you with my weight but you held my waist in place. When we both part, I don't expect you to say anything and I am glad you didn't. I slowly stare at your eyes and memorize it because there is still a chance that this could be the last time I see my reflection in them. You slowly wipe my tears with your thumb and I realize I had been crying.

After which I find myself resting my head against your chest and hear the erratic beating of your heart. Not sure if it was caused by me or your tumor. I like it here in your embrace. I regret not taking my chance with you earlier because it sort of feels like I was too late.

The nurse enters and catches me lying on your chest. I feel myself go red. She just laughs it off and tells me that visiting hours are almost over before exiting with a huge grin on her face.

Before pulling away, I give you a chaste kiss on the cheek. I straighten my clothes and gather my things before preparing to exit.

"Ulquiorra," I begin but for the first time in my life, I had nothing to say. You stare at me and give me a rare look which crumbles my walls so easily, and it makes me want to cry my heart out in front of you. But I know that what you needed right now was a strong hold. I'll be strong for both of us as well.

I notice you reaching for you bedside drawer and take out the sketchpad I had given you. You hand it to me and you smile. It was faint but I caught it and I catch myself smiling as well. I don't think you've used the sketchpad though. You're probably going to give it to me so that it doesn't go to waste.

"Thank you" I say to him before leaving. I couldn't find myself to say goodbye. Not just yet.

I arrive at my home and after taking a shower I reach for the sketchpad just out of curiosity. I open it and the first few pages were drawings of trees and animals. They must have been from when he grew up. Grimmjow did say he had a photographic memory of things that piqued his interest.

I smile looking at the drawings page by page and it makes me understand him more. He was actually a good artist to my surprise. I keep turning page by page to see what else he had drawn. It looked like he was able to finish the whole sketchpad. He draws the moon a lot as well, and the way he draws it emits a sort of gloomy feel. Near the end of the sketchpad I find myself tearing up again. The last few pages were drawings of me smiling, laughing, sleeping and even wearing candid expressions. He shouldn't have given this to me. Now my heart aches so much that it's as if I'm the one with the tumor. At the very least he found me interesting after all.

I reach for my cell phone and want to call my best friend, Tatsuki and pour my heart out just to relieve some of the pain but I notice under her name in my phonebook was the name "Ulquiorra" now I understood what he did last time with my phone. I don't even know if he'll be able to read my text at this hour but my mind is so clouded and my heart hurts so much. I sent him a text anyway

_I love you_.

I don't expect a reply and maybe I did it to calm my feelings a bit but I didn't regret sending it. I head to the bathroom to wash my face and after a few minutes my phone starts to ring. It was him calling.

"Hello" but there was only silence at the end of the line. I hoped you'd finally say something at this point in time but I didn't want to pressure you. I ride along and feel stupid talking to someone at the other end of the phone who doesn't even reply. But I hear you breathing through the other end of the line and it was comforting to know you were listening.

"Are you scared about tom? I'm scared too you know." I end up rambling again because I don't know what else to say. I don't bring up the drawings because the tears might come back and I might choke while talking to him on the phone. By the time that my eyes were starting to feel heavy, I manage to tell him one last thing before hanging up.

"Hey, I meant it though. My text message that is."

And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you

"Where the hell are you?" Grimmjow tells me over the phone. I tell him the train I normally take is under code yellow and so operations are down as of the moment. I look at my watch which read 1:00pm and realize, in less than 30 minutes it would be Ulquiorra's operation time. I quickly exit the station and immediately got a cab.

"He's restless. I think he wants to see you before undergoing the operation. But you know we can't wait another hour. The doctor we've tasked with his operation is bound to leave later for Singapore."

"I'll be there." I tell Grimmjow before hanging up. The traffic was horrible on the way and I pleaded to the heavens that I'd make it on time. I want to see you before you undergo something which has an uncertain outcome. I'd never forgive myself. By the time I was near the hospital, the traffic wasn't moving anymore. I decided to go on foot and prayed I'd make it on time.

Please, just please.

And anywhere I would've followed you (Oh-oh-oh-oh)

I finally arrive at around 1:24pm. I called Grimmjow and he tells me that they are headed for the operation room and directs me how to get there. I briskly walk at first but soon find myself increasing my pace as I go along. After passing a few corridors and hallways, I see you at the end of one. You had all these nurses surrounding you along with Grimmjow and were about to head into the operating room but they suddenly stop when they see me coming.

Our eyes lock and you seem to be fighting the anesthesia they've given you just to stay awake a bit more. I hurriedly rush towards you and the next thing I see completely bewilders me, because it's out of your character. You suddenly outstretch your hand as if you were waiting for me this whole time. My pace quickens and I try my best to reach you and before your anesthesia completely kicks in, I manage to reach your hand just in time. A lone tear escapes your eyes before you completely close them. That scene broke my heart.

I squeeze your hand as a final reassurance and hope you felt it. Grimmjow calms me down as the tears start to fall and pries me away from you.

"They need to take him now Orihime. We can only wait."

Say something, I'm giving up on you

The operation would take around 6 hours and the doctor promised to update us hourly of his condition. Grimmjow and I just sit in silence.

It has been around 3 hours since the operation commenced and I couldn't bring myself to go anywhere besides the waiting area. It was killing me. Grimmjow is surprisingly calm taking this all in. I slightly jump when he suddenly speaks up.

"Believe in him. For once, he has actually considered wanting to live. Maybe it's because of you….. or maybe he wants to finish the book series' A Song of Fire & Ice." He attempts a joke to lighten the mood.

"Is his father coming?"

"No."

How cruel of him to still put business first before family. I swear, if I ever do meet him, I would happily slap his face.

During the 2nd hour, we were updated that things were proceeding smoothly so now that the third hour was approaching we were awaiting another update. It took longer than usual and when the nurse finally updates us, he tells us that Ulquiorra flat lined. It felt like I couldn't breathe but then he suddenly continues that they were able to revive him using the defibrillator, and for now things seem stable. Oh my God. My lungs were filled with air once again and I released a breath I've been unconsciously holding.

"Well, Fuck! Say the good news first damn it!" Grimmjow yells at the nurse.

Time passes by at an excruciatingly slow pace and now it's the 5th hour and I'm slowly awaiting the upcoming news. I wasn't so much a religious person but at that moment, I didn't know who else to turn to.

God, I know I may not have been the kindest person in the world and I know you won't make a miracle happen for me. But please, make one happen for Ulquiorra. I know there are a lot of people every day who fight with death but I'm begging you to please, just please make an exception. I promise I'd become a better person. He doesn't deserve this. He's suffered enough. I want him to experience a better life and future. At least, give him that.

Say something, I'm giving up on you

Nothing. I could see nothing. All I saw was darkness. I wasn't sure where I was and my memory was a bit fuzzy. I couldn't feel anything and it felt like I was drifting across an unending abyss. It felt lonely. I continued to just let the abyss take over and drown me into an eternal rest.

But suddenly, there was something. I couldn't quite make it out but it was there. As if it was slowly trying to penetrate the darkness and stop the abyss. My surroundings were giving in and slowly I could actually see something.

Light. For the very first time, my eyes were fixed on something interesting. I let the light take over and slowly the darkness was slowly surrendering to it. As if it was being purified and transformed. And then suddenly, everything disappears again but this time, everything is engulfed in light and soon all I could see was white.

I felt happy and warm.

Yes it was very warm and welcoming and the next thing I see is your face. Maybe you are my light, the reason I am still alive. Once I had nothing to lose, but now I have something worth keeping.

You look at me surprised and I could see from the redness of your eyes that you had been crying. You cry way too much. But you are a strong woman. I try to wipe the tears forming at your eyes but realize you had been holding my free hand, the hand I had reached out to you moments ago. I'm glad you reached back.

"They said you wouldn't wake up until later. The operation was a success by the way." And suddenly you smile that warm smile of yours.

"Let me get Grimmjow!" I tighten my grip around her hand signaling her to stop. She realizes what I want and complies.

"I thought of what could have happened if you hadn't made it. I thought of our times together and there were so many things I would have liked to share with you and- "

She starts to cry again.

Say something...

"Orihime"

Her eyes open the widest I've ever seen them. She looks at me in disbelief as I say her name. I vividly remember the last conversation we shared.

_I also _

I whisper because suddenly, sleepiness was overtaking me again. These damn meds. I manage to say what I want to tell her but louder this time before the medicine completely kicks in again.

"Love you."

I see her smile lovingly at me as tears stream down her face. She had never looked so beautiful. I hope when I wake up later she smiles the same smile.

My body feels warm for once. Very warm.

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